Can you guess who I am? The answer should not surprise you.
I wept over the execution of Tookie Williams, disapprove of the death penalty, contribute to the local animal shelter so cute little puppy dogs and cats can have a chance at life. I want to save the whales, hug a tree and I also support the right of a woman to to choose about whether or not to have an abortion. It’s her body.
I don’t mind that they are taking down the Ten Commandments from out courthouses and taking prayer out of public schools. I don’t even mind that they want to take “under God” out of the Pledge of Allegiance, but it makes me mad when they want to change “Merry Christmas” to “Happy Holidays”.
Have you guessed who I am yet?
I take my kids to the movies, drop them off for school dances, and haul them around for soccer practice, ballet, gymnastics and little league, but if you ask me to take my kids down to the House of God for at least one service a week, I will tell you that I just don’t have time and that God will understand.
I buy my children all the Harry Potter books, I give them cell-phones, and I let them date. I dress my girls like prostitutes, I dress my boys like girls, I send them down to the public school or the day-care, and then I can’t figure it out when my boys turn out to be sodomites, and my girls are pregnant lesbians at seventeen.
I love Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, and the Gaithers, but President George Bush, Vice President Cheney, Gen. Tommy Franks and real Men of God get under my skin. I think they are too manly.
I like my freedom of speech and the right to do what I want, but I don’t think we should ever go to war because somebody might get hurt.
Guessed yet?
I don’t mind the Mardi Gras parades. I don’t mind the homosexual parades. I don’t see anything wrong with the Masons or the Shriners collecting money at our intersections, but I can’t stand to see street Preachers or someone standing beside the road holding a sign with the Word of God on it. Who do they think they are?
I tell everyone I love Jesus, Jesus loves me, Jesus loves them and we are all going to live happily ever after in the ever after. I wrap gifts at Christmas, prepare meals for the homeless and hand out drinks at ball games, but I can’t stand it when a man of God takes the Word of God and shows me who I really am and what the Bible says about repentance and being a new creature in Christ Jesus.
Guessed yet? I think you’re getting warmer.
I read the Left Behind series, watch Veggie Tales, listen to Joyce Meyers and I think that Benny Hinn just hung the moon, but please keep your King James Bible and your hell fire and damnation Preachers to yourself, thank you very much.
I say that my relationship with God is my business and mine alone and how I know that I am saved because I get a tingly feeling when Vince Gill sings “Go Rest High on the Mountain”. I also think God was pretty harsh on Cain when he brought the first fruits of his garden as a sacrifice to God, I mean, come on, Cain really did mean well and it’s the thought that counts. I also refuse to believe that God has only one way of salvation and that it is plainly spelled out in the Word of God.
Have you guessed yet?
The answer is, I am the average, self-proclaimed Christian in America.
God help us.
By: Brother Chris Pettigrew
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